Another day, another ordeal in this place. Went in to take a shower to cool off before bed and power goes out. Luckily, I’m quite at home in the dark as long as I’m somewhat familiar with the space so managed to take that shower without incident. However, power’s still not back and this cursed apartment being practically an oven, I had to run over to the terrace to stay cool. No idea when power will be back. Seems to be a proper blackout and I can see several others prowling their respective terraces, while those rich enough to afford inverters and generators are rubbing it in with their loud televisions.
I figured I might as well update my blog while hanging out here. Not as easy to type long posts on phone (please excuse any typos – phone keyboard sucks and my touchscreen is on its way out) but it’ll have to do.
Anyway, that’s enough of the whining. What I wanted to write about today is something good. It is, in fact, about the power of doing good to make you feel good.
Sometime in the middle of the pandemic, a friend told me he was teaching some young people from rural India spoken English. And me being something of an expert in the subject, he said he may need my help to evaluate their progress. After a while, I started subbing for this friend when he was busy and eventually, took over the class entirely when he had to give it up. It has been the single most fulfilling part of my life these past couple of years.
Roughly over the same duration, every other part of my life has turned to shit, but this one activity has been the singular source of joy and light. The classes used to be 4 times a week and then twice and now just one day a week, sadly, due to my inability to juggle work work, house work, house hunting and this. But I so look forward to that one day. Gives me a chance to socialise too with people who actually respect and appreciate me.
What’s more, they’ve taken me into their fold and treat me like a friend or family member. I get invited to their weddings and house warmings; some confide in me their hopes and dreams and troubles too. It’s nice to feel like I belong. I don’t get that from my own family or even friends. The latter mean well but they know too much about my troubles and so things get a bit awkward. To the point where I’m actively avoiding most friends.
My students, meanwhile, know very little about my personal life. But at the slightest hint that I’m unwell, I get so many genuine messages/calls of concern, it’s so touching. Here at least is one group of people who will miss me if I’m gone tomorrow. Friends and family will mourn, certainly, but my absence won’t make a dent there (I’m practically absent to most already).
To feel like one’s life means something, has some value outside of one’s self is so important. It’s easy to say we must find value within and all that. But for me personally, I do desperately need to be needed in some small way.
That’s what this pro bono English class has given me. I’m not really doing it for free. I’m being amply repaid in a currency that has enriched my life more than I can express. If I could give people one advice, it would be to do something altruistic — go volunteer somewhere, help someone out — it could well be your own personal salvation, as it has been mine.
Ramble With(out) A Cause 